"Esther and Ernie"
He can't compete against everyone else who learned that "C is for Cookie", "It Ain't Easy Being Green", and that Rubber Duckie really is the one!
As a man, he'll never understand the rude Bert and Ernie jokes guys tell when they're hanging out, or even be able to confess about the crush he had on Maria.
What have I done! I've failed him.